Now this isn’t going to be the article that tells you to stop being sad because other people have it worse. NO! Why? Simple, people with depression or forms of violently controlling mental illness are not a one size fits all category. Telling people to smile more, go out and socialize, make new friends, etc. Isn’t the spill somebody needs to say.
Normally, people think the reason someone is depressed is the same reason why Jim over there is. Fact of the matter is almost no one gets depressive episodes for the same reasons. Or maybe, just maybe there isn’t a reason at all and that’s okay! People who tell you that not finding what your sad about is an invalid reason, can go suck a cactus. There is no switch that we can turn on and off or just command ourselves to be manic or complete shambles, it just doesn’t happen that way!
Being depressed can and will always be a personal battle between your mind, heart, and body. Never can you pull yourself away from one or the other because you are at war. We always ask ourselves or maybe even write down why we feel such tyranny, but nothing ever really proves to be the soul cause. We could be upset that we are failures and the next minute we could be manic and have the thought in the back of ours minds praying to dye suddenly.
Even though I know there are a lot of you suffering your own wars with mental illnesses and going through areas of your life that no one can ever comprehend! Yet, even if you sit down and read this, just know that I silently hope that you’re okay. Why? You may ask this question because how can some unknown person want you to be okay. Or how I don’t know you and therefore I don’t know the struggle. Or maybe, you’re thinking to yourself that I feel sorry for you….Actually the reason I believe in you and hope that you’re okay, is that I don’t want someone out there to feel completely and utterly alone. No one deserves that feeling and to be the person blessed with feeling others pain so deeply, I want to be able to be here for you! Everyone needs that one person who they can talk to at 3 in the morning because their panic attack woke them up or the person who is on the bathroom floor right now covered in blood because pain is the only thing that’s real. Then other days your depression hits during normal life. It can be you hanging out with friends having a good time laughing and all of a sudden you feel like no one wants you there and you just start questioning everything. Somedays it’s the thought of just getting yourself something to eat or drink or not doing the daily hygiene ritual. Then other days depression looks like nothing: no smile, no thoughts, just glazed over eyes.
You may be so close to just calling it a life and checking out, but please don’t go! Some how in this fucked up world, we need you! We need all of you! You may think that this world goes on without people, but the truth is, life never officially goes on. It gets all topsy tervy and emotions will forever be difficult for the people who experience you leaving. The pain you had will just be transferred to someone else and then it turns into a vicious cycle of pain and remembrance. But if you stay alive someone can experience your deep love that can carve marble and your laugh that echos through the mountains! You are an amazing person even if you are constantly at war with yourself, nothing can ever be a dark yet brilliant like you! You know how to survive and that in itself is something not everyone can do. That is who you are! You are a warrior!
I’m sorry this seems more like a ramble, but it is something that I truly felt I needed to share. Too many of my friends have died or are battling with this and it pains me dearly, so I thought that even though I’m one person, I wanted to hopefully calming someone down.